Howdy Doodle,

Last weekend was quite impressive. I reiterated my last minute decision making preference. On Thursday, my plan was to get in my car on Friday and start driving towards Canada (16hrs). By Friday, I had a place to stay in New York, and two very amazing friends to spend the weekend.

I drove up the New Jersey Turnpike Friday evening whilst drinking an amazing cup of joe from Wawa's quick stop chain. (Very popular up here... who the heck named it Wawa???) I left Maryland in about errr 70 degree weather and arrived north of NYC at around 35. A cold front moved in Friday night. Saturday morning we woke early to catch the 7:43 train into Grand Central Station in Manhattan.

Saturday morning rounds included the Empire State Bldg, Times Square, Central Park, amazing break dancers on the side of the street, large apple store, largest Tiffany's jewelery store... , the signature Macy's, cabbing to Brooklyn to eat at Peter Lugar (the nation's best steak), cabbing to wall street, walking to ground zero, walking through china town, going to a pub, cabbing back to Grand Central, then training back home.

Sunday included driving north to Hyde Park, the location of FDR's home. Touring his House, his presidential library, and seeing amazing tree foliage... geeze it was perfect. For lunch we drove east across the Hudson to a small town near the Catskill Mountains to eat at a high acclaimed Authentic German restaurant... it was awesome. The waitresses were dressed in German dresses. I had a super tasty Spaten Oktoberfest beer and some amazing Jaeger Schnitzel.

Afterward, I drove back to Southern Maryland. Quite and adventure.


This week will be the final week of this stay in Maryland. I will end the week between DC and Baltimore possible. I am thinking about spending a day in Harper's Ferry west of DC and possible going to a Leeland concert in Baltimore. We shall see.

In other news, Eric Brown and I probably have the most number of legit mutual friends on Facebook. I challenge you to beat our numbers, 208.

Today consisted of two presentations. One with the board of directors at the Maryland Pilots Association and the other with Lt. Cmdr. Ditmar and Lt. Cmdr. Beach of the US Coast Guard Sector Baltimore... I'm starting to get this military jargon down.

Our presentation to the board and it went very well. I usually find the presentations turn into more of a classroom atmosphere where we teach from a book written by Sandia National Labs located here.

Before the meetings, I was hit with guilt in my hotel room the night before. I've been on the ball with getting out and running at a state park near our LNG terminal called Calvert Cliffs. (very pretty run along the beach / through the woods on a trail). I just can't seem to counter the effects of eating crab cakes.

The crab is an interesting creature. How many animals can you name which produce such amazing cakes? The cow patty possibly? If I ever get married, I'm requesting a groom's cake be made of crab. I've actually become a self proclaimed connoisseur of the crab cake. I've eaten them in nearly all of the top rated establishments in Maryland who all claim to have the first place prize (from different contest sources). There are the fried crab cakes and the baked crab cakes that seem to be most popular. Some have large chunks of crab and some have more of a stringy consistency. I believe the ideal crab cake to be one which is oven baked with very large chunks of crab. Not over baked! Just enough to crisp the outside and keep the inside crabby.

Last night, Autumn, our waitress, convinced myself and a colleague to order a crab cake on top of half a rack of ribs. Being gullible, stupid, and expenses paid, we both decided that had to be a good choice.

In summary, I could only eat half of the meal and I felt sick the rest of the night. I could not successfully mix pork ribs and crab cakes. I'm getting queasy thinking about it.


My Second meeting with Lt. Cmdr. Ditmar and Lt. Cmdr. Beach of the US Coast Guard Sector Baltimore also went extremely well, especially since it only lasted 30 minutes. The result of the meeting is basically we are doing a good job, so I get to go back to Texas.

I was wanting to go back this week, so secretly I was wanting a bad review so I could go back sooner. (not really, ha) I'll be here another week or so as a result.

This week I'm going design an exciting itinerary for the weekend to keep me motivated to finish up this project. I'll release the details later this week. Philly may be in the mix... possibly NYC...

I have slew of pictures on my camera... but I left my silly cord, so I can only post pictures from my phone. (the cords cost $20 at staples and I have around 4 in Houston).

On a different tangent, I follow economic news pretty closely. I do fear what could happen when Q3/Q4 earnings are released. I think the main way companies will compensate for a drop in revenue/profit will be to cut jobs. I've been very blessed with this job and DNV seems to be risk averse seeing as it is not directly subject to the fears of the market since it is an independent non-profit foundation. The largest issue will be a slow down in client's large capital projects which require risky financing, I think at least.

I miss playing guitar. I'm also bummed I missed the Table's retreat!

welp, going to bed.
peace.

Family, friends, and random people:

I want to share my current state of affairs with you guys; I've played the detached relative role for quite some time. I find myself talking more about my family and friends than directly. My stay on the eastern shores of Maryland has defined excellence, but at the same time I look forward to returning and sharing my experience. I'm super thankful for the opportunities and blessings I have and am experiencing!

Most of the duration of my "work" time has been spent writing a paper accompanied with helping shape understanding of liquefied natural gas (LNG) behavior. A decent movie parallel could be Erin Brockovich... except we know the risks of LNG transportation and they aren't concealed. (and I don't have Julia Roberts' eyes). I have a knack for meeting and relating to others and my stay here has exercised this quality. Friday I spoke to a group which is very similar to boyscouts for retired boaters, the Coast Guard Auxillary. The challenge was to explain how 1000ft carriers shipping equivalent energy of a WWII a-bomb do not pose a significant threat to their Chesapeake Bay homes. "1000ft carriers" and "a-bomb energy equivalence" are frightening descriptors, so when I paint the picture for others, its important to remind myself how perception can control a person's view of reality. I guess that is why first impressions are so important. In summary, the presentation was a success and they were extremely grateful for spending my Friday evening talking and answering their questions. "Old people" are great.

Friday, congressman Hoyer and his entourage came to our client's facility for a ground breaking ceremony followed by orderves. With more interactions in the political arena, I've only become more perplexed trying to figure out a skillful politician's career development plan. I am not sure the answer exists. It sounds like people move to the hill after college, rent some nook or cranny for dirt cheap ($500ish/mo), find someone who knows someone who knows a congressman's office, and work for free or an equivalent to until the resume looks good enough to get into law school (all the while being subjected to the way the cookie crumbles). Sounds risky to me.

I've reignited my baseball card/magic card collection habits by starting a binder of business cards. Its actually kind of sad to think that a familiar satisfaction occurs when I acquire a new contact which I deduct could be useful in the long run (sort of like cards which I know will appreciate in value). It is similar to finding a long lost rookie card of an amazing current day player.... or opening a pack of magic cards only to realize the rare card is in high demand and a foil! ha. I also had dinner with a tug boat captain this past week and was given a tour of her. She's a beaut.

Outside of work, I've become a regular in our bed and breakfast -- through this I meet other regulars and we share the role of awkward long/short term resident through breakfast/dinner groups. The past few weeks the group has consisted of a couple of test pilot Swedes and Nevadian software developers for F-18 landing gear systems. Last week I chaired a meeting on a nearby naval air base which these guys worked. On the way to the meeting I saw the new Marine One helicopter being test flown, pretty neat. We had lunch at the officer's club mess hall, which was across from a high quality 18 hole golf course, naturally.

I had to pass on a dinner invite in Houston with the CEO of a company called Circadian Technologies this week. I really want to go... I'm running an internal project which is looking at the feasibility of establishing a partnership between the two companies. The only issue is I would have to fly back to Baltimore for a 9AM meeting the next morning with the board of directors of a group called the Maryland Port Association to present this project. It was logistically impossible unfortunately. I am excited about the project nonetheless -- it will involve lots of interfacing with their Boston office in conjunction with our offices in Rio De Janeiro and London. I have that to look forward to when I finish up here. Honestly once I move back to Texas, my work will be very stress free until January with conferences, vacations, and holidays.

I'll be in College Station for a week to attend the Process Safety Center's symposium at the end of October, I have a tentative canoe trip planned in the beginning of November and a Big Bend trip set up right before Thanksgiving. I'm planning on spending a good deal of time in Nacogdoches this winter which will be fun. In Jan I'll join a group to ski Breck. for a week or so. I'm working on mentally separating work from life. It's not easy when I'm still trying to figure out how to do work well. I bet these great opportunities will help recharge this effort.

I've had the itch to read a good book lately and ended up going to a sunday school class who gave me a free one to read called Perspectives (a relevant store book)! I took it as an answered prayer, so here I am today in a panera bread reading and writing.

I've finally figured out how to get free AT&T wifi at Starbucks as well... it is actually pretty easy but takes a little online setting up -- 2 hours per day if you have an active gift card.

I guess this post is winding down... random facts list time:

- I walked through the wind tunnel shaft of the Chesapeake bay bridge tunnel
- I climbed the Stony Man in the Shenandoah State Park (which the Appalachian Trail travels through)
- drove the Skyline Dr. -- the leaves are in the beginning stages of changing.
- visited Assateague Island and saw the wild ponies.
- ate Virginia stuffed ham, sword fish, rock fish, and crab cakes
- tasted Maryland wines in a field
- watched a red neck boat docking competition
- went to metal works arts fest
- went to a river appreciation day festival
- went to a changing of the leaves festival
- next weekend is oyster fest and shucking competition
- traveled DC, most favorite spots have been Lincoln Memorial/FDR memorial / South Korean section of the Smithsonian.
- This week I plan on doing some rounds in Baltimore before the meeting

Ryan

So I've decided to blog once more.
Lets recap Ryan's adventures since his 2005 post.

Summer 2005:
In May of 2005 I went to Belize on a mission trip with the Wesley Foundation to Corozal, BZ.
Afterwards, I lived in Conroe, TX and ran the summer youth program for First United Methodist of Conroe. I roomed with a retired lawyer whom is the subject of my 2005 post. I learned a ton!

Fall 2005 - Spring 2006:
I was a Junior at Texas A&M. I traveled to David, Panama during spring break with E3 partners in ministry.

Summer 2006:
I moved to Texarkana, TX and worked at Cooper Tire & Rubber Company. Shortly after I moved in I volunteered at Williams Memorial United Methodist Church with their youth program. Little to my dismay, I found that they currently had no youth director, so I became the youth intern who was interning for no director. It was quite interesting, but God was so good in the situation.

Fall 2006 - Spring 2007:
Senior year at Texas A&M. We beat Texas after Thanksgiving. Finally.
I organized a backpacking trip to Big Bend of New Years and had a great experience.
January 2007 I began leading the International Bible Study at the Wesley Foundation. I had been involved with this group for over a year and was blessed to see the Grace of God win souls to Christ. This bible study has forever changed who I am and just as importantly, who I strive to be.

Summer 2007:
I went with the Wesley Foundation to Belize to the same Pastor we worked with previously. It was affirming to see the fruit of the ministry of "Russevelte" (sp.). The fields he plows for Christ are very rocky in Corozal. There aren't get-to-know-you's, convenient mass communications, or 18 holes of golf to aid in the pastoralization.

Afterwards, I moved to Houston, TX to intern at BP as a Health Safety Security and Environment intern. I basically learned a lot about what I did not want to do after I graduate.

Fall 2007 - Now:
I continued to lead the International Bible Study. I said farewell to a dear friend, Ichyun. I completed my Senior Design project with Fujitsu Network Communications. It was an inventory forecasting improvement project.

Over New Years, I organized our second consecutive backpacking trip. (That makes it a Fighting Texas Aggie Tradition.) We went to the Guadalupe Mountains. I had a rather close call the first night from near hypothermia. After climbing 2800 ft, we were met with 70-80 mph winds. My thermometer read 20 degrees F at 2PM. I'll let the meteorologists out there calculate the wind chill and estimate our sleeping temperature... It was very cold. My Gatorade bottle froze solid and I was sleeping nearly on top of it.


During the Fall semester I interviewed with 26 companies. I now am employed by a Norwegian company called Det Norske Veritas. DNV was originally a Maritime ship classification company that was founded in 1864ish. In other words, they were really good at knowing the strength and capacity of ships in rough seas. They moved into the energy awhile back and that is now where I work, DNV Energy. I manage Risk for the energy industry. Ryan, what does that mean? An example project is to model the consequences of every possible explosion or leak in a system. After modeling the consequences, you determine the frequency of each event and do a quantitative assessment of the overall risk of the system. Anyways....


I live with Reese Hopkins, a friend from A&M who also was hired on with DNV. We live .26 miles from the office but drive anyways. I am getting plugged into The Table at Chapplewood United Methodist Church off of I-10 / Voss area. I've decided to blog again due to lack of close relationships around me to share these things with. Also, I think it is going to just be healthy for me to actually think life through on a regular basis. Ha. I've been getting to work at 7:15, so it is definitely bedtime!
Forever Forwards my lads!
Ryan

What Jesus Demands from the World
#1 You must be born again.

After reading the first demand Piper lists memories of international bible study flash through my head. I can remember how difficult and fulfilling it was describing this story of Nicodemus and the teachings that drive its plot. “You must be born again to enter the kingdom of Heaven”. “… How can a man reenter the womb?!?”.

“That’s what Jesus implied when he said to a would-be disciple
who wanted to go home to a funeral, “Leave the dead to bury their
own dead” (Luke 9:60). In other words, some are physically dead
and need burying. Some are spiritually dead and can bury them. He
implied it again when, in his parable of the prodigal son, the father
says, “This my son was dead, and is alive again” (Luke 15:24).
That’s why “unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of
God” (John 3:3). The dead can’t see. That is, they can’t see God’s
kingdom as supremely desirable. It looks foolish or mythical or
boring. So they “cannot enter the kingdom of God” (John 3:5). They
cannot because it is foolishness to them.” p.39

After reading this part of the chapter something hit me in a very god-like duh-Ryan-what-the-crap-can-be-more-interesting-than-me fashion. I’ve never really completely understood why Jesus wouldn’t let the would-be disciple dude bury his father. That seems sort of uncompassionate. But, I have a very strong suspicion that the funerals back then were very extravagant and traditional. I’ve heard that the hire weeping women to go crazy for a week or so after they die. lol. Yet! When Piper puts these two verses together, linking how dead people should bury their dead and how the prodigal son was dead while he was away from his father, a new definition of life evolves. Through the demand of being reborn a second time, Jesus redefines what life is. It transcends all physical aspects and is moved to an eternal aspect. Hence, the second rebirth must also occur on the spiritual level. (not requires a second exit from the woman’s womb, sorry Eric). This is very interesting and core material. After reading this I read some Ephesians 4 coming across this:

“17So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

As soon as I read the line “Having lost all sensitivity”, there was an instant link in my brain to Piper’s message. Our level of sensitivity towards God’s demands is equivalent to how separated we are from the life of God, the life that Jesus claims to never allow you to thirst again. This study is definitely going to be important and heart changing. My prayer is that I would hold nothing back from letting this study of Christ’s demands change my sensitivity to God’s Spirit in my life. If you are reading this and want a copy of this devotional, Eric or I can email it to you as a PDF.

Forever Forward

Ryan

Hello to the few and far between people who may end up reading this.

My summer has been absolutely breath taking. I haven't updated this thingy, but I feel moved to today. Today evil stared directly into my eyes and taunted me as if nothing I could ever say or do would challenge its existence. I know there is injustice in this world, I’ve been told -- I am avid in keeping up with the news. I sat down to have dinner with my host for the summer in honor of my and an underprivileged kid's birthday at Ryan's. First I want you to understand who this host is, this man is an awesome warrior for Jesus. He’s a single retired lawyer and his selflessness shines about him. He has volunteered as a foster parent for decades and ended up adopting one some odd years back. Since then his son graduated high school and joined the military. Now he is married and lives in North Carolina. Since his son's departure, he began a new project. This new project has proved to be the toughest and most disheartening. I've lived with Gary since May and we have discussed life and it's follies over and over again. On his refrigerator a quote adequately defines his philosophy of life:
" A hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child." Reader's Digest, January, 2002.
He loves kids. That is his passion in life, it always has been.
Now back to our conversation this evening. This underprivileged kid’s name is Jonathan. He was included in the newest project of Gary’s life. Jonathon just turned 19 and he was born with a brain tumor that left him mentally handicapped. There are three brothers in this family, each with a different father. Gary began this project five years ago when he received word via a business associate that this family was in desperate need. They had no money for clothes or food or anything any child deserves. When Christ calls us to have faith like children, what he is saying is that we are to not worry about provisions in life. We are not to worry about how life will work out or whether we will be accompanied by a mate till the end of our days or whether we are to maintain a decent level of health. Children are completely innocent in their stature. As a child you hold the belief that life is good, and that tomorrow holds endless possibilities. We must identify with this! We must strive to understand that there is a place where our trust is safe, a place where we are never rejected, a place where we are always listened to and cared for. This is what God longs to do for each of us, he really really really wants to serve us as Father of our lives. We should be capable of running up to God and grabbing his hand at any point in our lives without questioning whether there would be food to eat that night or not. These children were not able to play the role as children, just like the others scattered across the globe. This is injustice. Children should not have to worry about basic needs, how are we to have faith like children when we have never been able to play the role of child? So this is where Gary took action five years ago. He began by buying them cloths and food. He took them to games, invested hours upon hours of his life feeding these kids with a positive role model. One day during the first year he was with them another man reveals himself to the family and begins assisting Gary in helping out the family. This man’s ways and motives were a mystery to Gary until today. While we were eating supper his brother Jonathon shares what Gary had feared was true for the past three years. This other man in these boys’ life is there because he is driven by sexual motives. He has paid Tony for the past five years to do these things. Tony is 16 now. He has told Gary about all the pictures of children this mysterious man’s computer a few years ago, and they had him investigated, but apparently nothing happened. This man continues to lure these vulnerable ones with money and it is absolutely sick. The pedophile had an apartment for the past five years right across the street from the high school, how convenient is that? So we’ve unveiled the monster and here is the problem. Tony’s head is so poisoned with what society deems is important that he compromises sound morals in order to feel included with the fast pace world around him, have you ever related to this feeling? Have you ever felt like morals could be thrown out of the door so that we could be more valuable in the eyes of the monster which deems us valueless? Gary has fear this conclusion for years now. He has inquired and pried into Tony endlessly but he never responded. Tonight as we were talking he told me that he doesn’t even know if he could stand to be in the same car as Tony, he feels like he’s wasted the past five years of his life serving as a mentor. This is where I interjected though. This is when faith must be our only crutch to stand on. This is when you know you believe that unseen forces are at work and that your efforts are never wasted. Paul woos us to feast our eyes upon the unseen in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. He concludes this chapter of assurance with an amazing charge, "Therefore we do not lose heart.... our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all". This is powerful. Even though Gary has seen everything but God glorified through this relationship, there is still great hope and purpose in his labor. How often do we get blinded from reality? How often are we lost in giving glory to other things, things that poison our hearts and minds? There is yet great hope for us all. I want anyone who has read this to the end to stop, sit and think now. Think about what is important in your life. What are things you do now that poison who you strive to be, what are things that promote and serve everything you know are wrong? What are these things??? Put yourself in Tony’s shoes now. Now ask yourself the same question. Why do I, a 16 year old guy who loves to play tennis and go to jack in the box, submit myself to an obese man and do horrible favors for him? Tony is a victim to evil. Why do innocent people suffer? Why does the Almighty Creator not interject his life-giving powers and protect the innocense of this world? I challenge you to answer this question for yourself. I have my answer. It is one that was beautifully crafted by the experiences of my life. But it is my answer and mine alone.


Revelation 21:1-6
1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. 5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." 6He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. 8But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

Forever Forward.
Ryan

Michael Goodwin introduced me to “Christian Crack” this past week. The substance is a book called Passion for the Heart of God. In Goodwin is a missionary mobilizer for Heart of God ministries. Their heart's desire is to have every desire that God's heart has, therefore they are a group who trains and equips missionaries to go to the unreached. They describe this area as the region enclosed in the 10-40 window (10 and 40 are longitude and latitude references). They say that general statistics show that 1/3 of the earths population are self-claiming Christians, whom out of the 2Billion only 140million are "born again". The other 1/3 of the earth has access to bible and its teachings, and has a medium to discover who Jesus is. Then they said the last 2billion people on the planet have never been exposed to the gospel. They have never been told who Jesus is. Of this group 55,000 die each day. In India there is 1 missionary for every 3 million people and Northern Africa 1 missionary for every million people. This really disturbs me. How can I remain at ease knowing that God's commission is receiving this much attention?
Oh well. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'd really enjoy long-term mission work. The doors just haven't opened yet. I've got an interview at Lakeview March the 1st for assistant programs directing job this summer. That would be totally awesome if I had that job this summer... I know I would absolutely love it.
Lunch Bible study and Fish Care Group are going awesome. I'm totally blessed every second God uses me in those groups. It’s so awesome accepting the role as servant and allowing Him to use you to a point at which you know its not your strength sustaining you anymore. It feels like Kamp all over again... haha I love it! Being exhausted for Christ! My Triathlon training is put on hold due to my ankle injury... its still swollen and very week so I can't run. I've been biking though! I love road biking it’s so energizing and freakin awesome. In April I’m doing the MS150 ride from Houston to Austin with my roomy. My quiet times are a must. I've become so dependent upon them I really don't have a choice. If I don't spend an hour or so just falling in love over and over again I have a horrible day. I know some fokes are like well I don't have to read everyday... but I totally disagree man the Word does not return void! it comes with power! anyways... I seriously have 5 hours of schoolwork to do today.

A false balance is an abomination to the Lord Proverbs 11:1

forever forward
ryan

I don't understand my life.
When will I be able to fully devote myself to one cause?

Headed to College Station tomorrow! Finally! I'm driving back as well so no more borrowing the exploder. The Christmas break has been just that, a break. I ran, swam, biked, read, and played computer games very consistently. That is a very good summary of my month off. Every day I would be a mixture of those things, which was awesome.

I finished A Longing for Holiness by Wesley. Very sweet book.
update:: I am still a freakin sinner!
my plan was to be sinless this break but.. ya know as always that plan doesn't work out too well.

So let me tell you about something that matters.
My walk this break had its ups and downs but man in the midst of a down God totally reconciled myself back to Him, and brothas and sistas it swept me away. So I was doing one of my consistent events and pondering on what I had been reading and learning about when God just kinda gives me some sweet information. Man you gotta love when that happens--very cool. It felt like I was a freakin brand spankin new CPU installing the newest and hottest first person shooter game of all time on the first day of release! .... well it was just really cool.

But, this data installation, if you will, was the same message I have heard all of my Christian walk.

God said, "Ryan you know how to live, I've taken care of that with my new convenant. My Counselor is within you. Now live free from the bonds of sin, Go."

So I'm like cool... so what makes this special is that the definition of those words have been defined in a spiritual sense. Words with heavenly meaning have no meaning unless heavenly knowledge is given. God also told me that he would more than love to fill my head full of every bit of heavenly knowledge possible, but it will require myself to truly live because understanding how to truly live is found on a daily basis from the heavenly knowledge God provides.

So how can i truly live to the fullest every second of my life?
Seek heavenly knowledge on what truly living is.
Whats cool is that only God knows how your life can be lived to the fullest because He is the only one who knows your future plans of prosperity and significance.


I cannot live and not suffer, because when I suffer for the cause of Christ I truly live. I cannot live and consider myself capable of producing significance, because if I claim all significance in Christ I realize there is nothing significant about myself and on about Him. Php 1:21 "To live is Christ, to die i gain"

Christ is the Spring of life that must quench every desire. It is the only thing that will satisfy your soul. Seeking satisfaction from the world will only harden your heart towards God and possibly transform yourself into an enemy of God.

Matthew 6:24“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

In order to live and never thirst again; in order to live and reject the thought of gathering and filling cisterns in order to satisfy thirst, we must drink, feed, be nourished by the source, the flow, the rush found in a vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ that is in continuous, flesh aching battle with the Prince of the Earth.

"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
Genesis 4:6-7

When sin is welcomed by man's free will, not only are they separated from God until repentance, but they are transformed into a "sin magnet" if you will. Sin crouches outside of your door. You have no choice but to open the door and either master the next specialized temptation that Satan has specifically prepared for you to stumble on, or be mastered and live in darkness as a captive to sin.

John 3:19-20
This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed

1John 1:5-10
5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

Ephesians 5:8-4:

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you

well now I think I'm gunna get to bed... get up early and go to school!

Forever Forward.

::Twilight::

Outside the darkness is slowly easing away as morning makes its mark on the night sky. Light filters across the horizon, and the dawning day washes over everything in its path, gradually dissolving the blackness in its wake.

It is twilight. No longer night, but not yet morning.

In Romans 7, Paul describes his Spiritual twilight

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good

Romans 7:15-16

The law is good by revealing our innate, sinful nature. It reveals our flesh's chains as slaves to sin. Whats been so awesome for me is to realize God's purpose for us as a Christians. To meet with Him humbled, and to meet with Him at a malleable state in order for Him to shape and mold us into Godly tools for His Kingdom's advancement. There is no other way to do it without realizing that even though we have been born again, we still possess flesh. We possess sinful desires that deceive our hearts and spiritual defenses. Blatantly put, we screw up. But God gives us Grace, and to say that just because he gives us Grace and doesn't care would be outside the Christian teachings. It would be a piece of theology that Satan would enjoy infecting the hearts and minds of men and women across the world.

The extreme term to this idea called antinomianism

an·ti·no·mi·an·ism

The doctrine or belief that the Gospel frees Christians from required obedience to any law, whether scriptural, civil, or moral, and that salvation is attained solely through faith and the gift of divine grace.

What God has shown me is that in order to be a Christian, I must come before Him with everything. I know this is a very "used" idea... but there is a definite reason why, its simply biblical. Jesus Christ said drop all you have and follow me. That is also very "used", but its simply biblical as well.

The more broken I become, the more malleable I behave.

I've asked God how to become more effective, more penetrating, more genuine and I continue to get the continous same answer. There is no more "rebirthing". You are born of the water and spirit once. There is no next level. From the point of spiritual conversion and onward I must continually become less and He become more. Desiring a deeper impact is very productive, but thinking that it will require me, in some form or fashion, become a different person is unbiblical. God said in John 14 that we have been equiped with another Counselor who is the Spirit of Truth and a beggoted faction of God and Jesus Himself, if you will. We are equiped with every potential possible of this world and the next. The Spirit within us has potential to do things even angels "long to look into" 1Peter1:12. The constant battle of Christianity is for those who call themselves "believers" to actually believe. To actually make moving mountains with faith a reality. To abolish any restraints of the Spiritual abilities. When was the last time you witness a healing? When was the last time the Holy Spirit came down upon a group in your presence? Do you see these things, and do you, without a doubt, believe in thier occurances?

When Peter began to sink while walking on water Jesus simply said - "Oh you of little faith," He said"why do you doubt?"

I'm assuming Peter's inititive was to prove himself a Spiritual being. To prove his Faith. What I think God has been telling me these past few days is to just freaking DO what the SPIRIT is telling me to do! Its that easy. Thats how easy life is. JUST DO IT! Nike :)

Just live the entire Christian life... not pick and choose pieces of it and stick with that.

• Pray that you would be filled with the Spirit.
• Pray that you would be shown ever poisionous aspect of your life.
• Pray that your perspective would be from the Eyes of God.
• Pray that you would continously pray and meditate about all of the above, along with endless scriptural foundation for every thought, idea, action, and even spoken word!

Twilight - Not yet day and past the encompassing darkness of night.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Taking into account my perspective of life a year ago, I consider myself transformed indefinitely. My sensitivity to the Spirit and discernment have exponentially grown thanks to Jesus Christ.

Throughout the past year I've found a statement to be absolutely true. This statement has proved to even serve as a "measurement tool", if you will, for my spiritual walk and even the well-being of my soul.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall

just kidding... or am I?(yes)

The summation of my soul's wellness has been defined by the ways in which I've reacted towards the sin I commit in my own life.

Jesus said that our faith must be greater than the faith of the Pharisees. The Pharisees did not have an intentional faith, but rather ceremonial foods that they described as things which diverted God's wrath. Boy where they wrong-- lol

The way I react towards sin in my life coincides with the condition of my well-spring of life, the heart.

I believe the answer to the common question, "How are you?" is found this way. The question's true purpose is to establish the healthiness of another's soul with an intent of compassionate contemplation. Jesus said to share the Good News, which is His Word.

In this time, in between full day, I'm torn between God's way and my way. The farther I've walked Spiritually the more absolutely painful it is when night begins to invade. All of Twilight could be taken to a different level of actual warfare. God is at war with Satan. The purpose of the war is for God to win hearts and souls to praise his name. The purpose for Satan is to do absolutely anything to have us do otherwise. The only thing that can't be tampered with is Free Will.

I am between the midnight and dawn of my soul. I'm in twilight. The darkness is not completely covering my heart, but the sun hasn't come up yet. Hope comes from knowing that the God who began this good work is going to complete it. Over time the sun is coming up.

anyways! its past my bedtime

these next two weeks will require some great perseverance for some of us saints!

~Forever Forward~

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart the mouth speaks"
Luke 6:45
"For where your treasure is your heart will be also"
Matthew 6:21
"Above all else, gaurd your heart for it is the wellspring of life" Proverbs 4:23
"Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart, upon your bed, and be still. Selah."
Psalms4:4
"...How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path."
Psalms 119:103-104
"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness"2Cor11:30
"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training, "They do it to get a crown that will not last; we do it to get a crown that will last forever"
1Cor9:25
"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates the body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God"
2Cor7:1

:burn:

"But if I say, 'I will not mention him

or speak any more in his name ',

his word is in my heart like a fire,

a fire shut up in my bones.

I am weary of holding it in;

indeed, I cannot."

Jeremiah 20:9

so yeah this week wasn't all that fun, extremely stetching, but not all that fun. Knowing that I have once more grown in my dependence of God is awesome, but getting that dependence relies directly on tests and trials. How else would I recognize the need for a gracious God? 2Corinthians 13:5 tells us to literally initiate tests ourselves, so we are "without excuse" if tests are not being given to us frequently.

I was blessed with the opportunity to share my faith as well as the Gospel with my father this week. That is by far the most challenging thing I've done in my entire life. My dad is awesome though, he carries a "big stick" so to speak. Hes very opinionated and very.... "always right", lol. Its hard to talk to him is what I'm sayin. Getting into a psychological perspective is pointless so im just gunna say talkin to him about Jesus is the biggest fear I've had this entire year (well its been most evident this particular year). This is mainly because i absolutely knew it was going to happen. I knew that there was a "next step" conversation waiting to happen whenever I went home. The world is deathly hungry for truth. It is hurting out there for someone who really cares.

"If you set yourself on fire people will come from miles to see you burn"

John Wesley

John is speaking God's truth. The world is aching for Christians who live for Jesus and live by what their Manual of Abundant Life tells them. It is absolutely impossible for a Christian to live abundantly and not read God's Word. Why? because you are human. You can read Huckleberry Finn in eighth grade and recall ... well.. actually i can't even remember the main plot.. wasn't he on a raft or something? Do you see my point?

God's word must be burned into your heart.

It is your wellspring of life.

Jesus came to bring us life and bring it to the full.

That is the only way anyone can be effective. What determines whether your are a Christian is the intentions of your heart towards God.

"For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the Kingdom of heaven" Matthew 5:20 --

Jesus was speaking to the Law abiding Jews (Matthew 4:25), those who knew how to obey God in the eyes of other men-- those whose moral codes idealy lined with the Moral Law instituted into man by God. Luke 18:11-12 illustrates the righteoousness that the pharisees. It illustrates thier lack of intention to be real and of full intention before our God who reads the heart.

If you never meditate and become engulfed in God's word you fill the role of a modern day pharisee, a fake, a nobody. If you have never intended on pleasing God with your entire heart, soul, mind, spirit then I don't know what to say, you need to seriously have a talk with someone Godly. lol

The biggest thing that turns people off from Christianity is Christians themselves. Christians who don't walk by the spirit and humble themselves before the Lord on a daily basis.

A guy told my friend "Kubi, I would go to the ends of the earth and even die for Christians who live like you, Christians who live the I'm third life, (God first, others second, yourself third). But man, I am not seeing it. I can't call myself a Christian when there are so many who do don't live it. There is one thing i want to ask you to do though, I want you to go back to Honduras this winter break with me and tell my family what you told me."

Kubi goes to TCU.

But back to my story this week... Its been my prayer for a very long time before I go to bed that God would hound my father's soul. That God would break him into nothingness so that he would realize his sinful ways past his many dead, stone hard layers of pride.

My prayer has been answered.

The Gospel is being preached in my house.

My father is listening and aching for understanding

"Ryan I just don't understand how I could have lived this long and not understood the bible thing"

Hes ready to be Taken.

~Forever Forward~

.:intentional disciple:.

The battle has been painful this week, just as it should be(2Cor12). Why? well the details are frivolous, but in a nutshell, I prepared very quickly for 3 midterms and a paper causing myself to squeeze every second of my week for all that it was worth. It was amazing.

So i ask myself this question, was i truly malleable?

Can i honestly look back on this week and see how God changed my life? How have I been conformed to the ways not of this world?

to kinda answer this question, Thursday of this very long week, i was definitely feelin stinkin weak. After hardcore studying/trying not to worry about my tests, I let a few mindless comments take my knees out.

but the most amazing thing happens while on my knees.

Jesus Christ whispered into my ear..

Hey bud.. guess what? my grace is sufficient for your weakness. Guess what else? I want you to delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties because that is when i really get to see what you really got goin on for Me(2Cor12). I get to see who you are under your many masks of the world. I get to dig into what you are hiding behind, what false securities you go to bed at night trusting in. I get to test your faith.

Get excited Ryan, the battle is won bud. Set your hope on the Grace to be given when Christ Jesus is to be revealed(1Peter1:13). Guess what else son?

I've planted you as a tree by the stream. You do not fear when heat comes, your leaves will stay green regardless. You have no worries in a year of drought and you will never fail to bear fruit, for blessed is the man who trusts in Me, whose confidence is in Me. (Jeremiah17:7)

He tested my heart, my mind, my intentions as he says he does. My realization was the fact that I was and still am to a lesser extent focused on what the silly temporary world has to offer. I focus on rotten trash. I focus on spiritual poison, as opposed to the pure spiritual milk Christ has to offer (1Peter2:2). Day after day God shapes the heart..he shapes our entire life--

" Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand.."Jeremiah 18:6

~forever forward~

::Self-Destruct::

So, this is the first time I've blogged in a long time. Its mainly been because I've had little time due to working and studying, but its partially because I felt that i might have been substituting blogging in the place of transparent relations with people. Well I suppose this summer was different since i was away for awhile. So why am i blogging now? Let me ask myself.
Self why are you blogging?
To show exactly how much my life has nothing to offer, and to show exactly how unplacid it really is.

Like i said earlier i have absolutely nothing to offer in this blog, so stop reading if you are thinking contrary (like that is possible!). I do deserve hell. I do deserve to be sent to a place to be constantly tortured and in agony because that is exactly what i cause every day of my life. Infact, I deserve something more lowly then hell. What are my intentions of this paragraph? To show portray a humble servant? That is crap, I really am wicked and that is exactly my point.

My heart is defiantly beating with Jeremiah as I've been studying the book the past few weeks... His prayer pretty much describes it all..

"I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for a man to direct his steps. Correct me , Lord, but only with justice --- not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing" Jeremiah 10:23-24

If i could only grasp how in the heck God is able to be so extremely pissed off at us, yet so deeply in love with us.. I defiantly think I would be sinless. I would be perfect. I would know the deepest sorrow and the deepest most passionate love and be able to balance them. I would be God... but thats impossible. What God has been showing me these past few weeks is quite simple.. but then again its beyond understanding. crazy how God does that..Hes told me something a little like this..

"Hey guess what Ryan", - God ...

"Hey man whats up?", -Ryan

"Did you know that i am really stinking big?", - God ..

"Oh... I had no clue you where that big" - Ryan

So.. what does that silly convo mean? (and yes it did take place)It means this... God is big...(haha jk).. God is big enough to have a personal relationship with each and every person ever to be created or even begot for that matter (lol).

God showed me that his plan for me isn't found in church doctrine.. isn't found in church traditions... isn't found in anything to do with what man has established here in this life.. absolutely nothing. There have been many bold and courageous Christians in the past.. but He told me that even those guys aren't going to be able to show me what He wants me to be doing... God told me that the most important thing for me to do is not to eat food.. drink water.. but instead its to have a quiet time.

Words cannot express how important it is. For those of you who don't know, I'm being discipled by a 34 year old ex-marine chaplin. Guys.. this guy is exactly who i want to be like. (thats why hes discipling me). I am disciplining my life to be more like him. As paul said... be like minded, I am doing so with this man. What God has shown me through this man is priceless.

True dependence on the Lord requires me to recognize him as my lifesource. He must be my existence. When I don't have a quiet time, i cannot survive. What would i be living on? Bread alone? Or on the every word that comes from the mouth of God? (Deut8:3).

Set a time daily for your quiet time, and protect it with your life.

So what is my quiet time? what is my "technique" so to speak... How in the world do you have a quiet time? My short summary will give absolutely no justice.. so remind yourselves of my lack of knowledge.. and the fact that what I have to offer is worthless, and let God reveal to you what your own unique quiet time should consist of...

start off.. get on your knees. bow down before your master. tremble in His presense.

without this first vital step, you might as well do something else. He reads every intention of your heart. If it is anything besides meeting with Him, you might as well be sleeping.from there.. pour your heart out before the Lord. Pray for everyone else, humbly consider others better than yourselves(phil2:3). Lastly pray for your time with the Lord, that it would be fruitful and that you would have an open mind and an open heart. Pray that you would grasp, apply, and remember everything that you learned from Him.

Take action. Write down what He shows you. Be a disciple, a student.

anyways (i gotta get some sleep)... my quiet time is designed for myself.. i read a book from the Old Testiment, a book of the Gospel, and a letter in order to hear different perspectives and to get an overall knowledge of the bible itself. (right now jeremiah, Luke, peter).

There is no format or traditional way to a quiet time... Paul talks about how "hollow and deceptive philosophy are dependent on human tradition and basic principles of this world rather than Christ"Collossian2:83

What defiantly is required though is a vision. A plan of action. A plan of attack.

Why is it so hard to have a quiet time???????????

Let me tell you. Why in the world would Satan attack a person who never prays or reads their bible?... Why would he make the lives of Christians who don't fully seek God's will almost unbearable? He wouldn't! because you are absolutely no threat to his kingdom.

Once you pick a fight, brace yourself. Fortify yourself for an invasion.

If your bible isn't worn, your sword never leaves its sheath.

I urge you not to satisfy yourself with a life of mediocracy... live life and live it to the full! John 10:10

~Forever Forward~

Ryan.

John 15:9-11
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."

John 16:24
" until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

Got Joy? Are you in God's love?

Isn't life great? I woke up this morning thanking Jesus Christ for one more day, one more battle. I fight in a battle that is already won. Its a burdenless battle until the fighter himself doesn't stay within his own ranks (aka God's love). Who would do such a thing? Who would leave certain security? Why would anyone be prideful enough to think that they are capable of waking up.. getting dressed.. planning your day.. putting your "game face" without first lifting your fists towards Jesus Christ proclaiming His glory and his sovereignty over your life. How can anyone pursue anything without putting God first? Lets look at some imagery real quick. Each day is going to be a paper cup. Satan, the Prince of this world, is going to be rice. God is going to be ping pong balls. In order to truly put God first, one must put the ping pong balls into the cup first.. let them hit the bottom, "roots" of your life if you will. If you decided to skip out on God, how are you going to fit Him in later when the rice has overtaken you? You Cannot. You are a simple human destine for failure. You will break God's heart today. Does that break yours?

1John 2:6
"Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" where have your feet taken you?

Revelation 3:15-16
"I know your deeds, that you are neither hot or cold. I wish were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot or cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth"


Philippians 2
" If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."

Make my joy complete brothers and sisters. Be like Christ. Make disciples of all the nations.

~food for thought~
if every Christian were to make two disciples right now... spend 6 months with two people and just totally pour into their lives, where would the world be today? the discipleship chain would be unbounded to infinity. God's glory would be spread to all. He calls us to perfection, and we drop the ball.

~Forever Forward~

This summer has been a real pain to keep this thingy updated... since... i'm gunna be away for like.. 11 weeks.. so yeah don't expect much updates :p
 
 
--- Well im back to the wonderful confinements i call home.  Well at least im back for about 10 hours, haha. UM Army was all that-- and i do mean all that.  As tally mark four, this year was one of this most unique since.. well I was on staff... I felt so useless.  I knew nothing about what I was doing the first two days, i pretty much followed around my co-safety girl (who knew everything) and tried my best to squeeze out some of my heart into the lives of others.  And, by far, this year had the most amazing sites I've ever seen.  I will never forget how Josephine's proclaimed how she was  "Taken" .. over and over.. after seeing all what we had done for her.  She was (i'm pretty sure) 83.  Her couch was infested with rats, 7 to be exact... she couldn't wash clothes because rattle snakes were bedded around her washer... water poured through her bedroom roof... and the first day the team working there watched her eat cat food for lunch.  They didn't know she was going to eat it.. they couldn't stop her.  Her son also lived with her and he was about in his late 40s.  He was in tip top condition guys.. he was built.  His room in the house had no leaks.. it was fully furnished.. carpet.. clean, it was an entire different world than what his mother was living in right down the hall.  He had a lock on the outside of her bedroom door to lock her in when ever he pleased.  It only made the situation more devastating.  How could anyone live in such conditions.  At night she said two little eyes were always keeping her company somewhere in the room, whether it was a rat or possum. 
 
 God placed it on the director's and many other's heart to help Josephine in every single way we could before the week ended... so get excited guys.. we've all seen trading spaces... well this is more like.. trading lives.
In three days we took all the furniture out of the house.. killed every little pest, ripped the outside lock off her door, refloored nearly the entire house, reroofed the house, got her a fridge, microwave, 2 AC units.., put linoleum down in her kitchen, living room, hallway, bathroom, bedroom, utility room.. sprayed her entire house for everything.. Gave her real food.. and plenty of if, let me tell ya.  This client broke so many hearts guys, it was unbelievable. 
 
The verse that really defined UM Army for me this week was

2 Corinthians 2:17 
"Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity as men sent from God"

(ALOT of people knew it was my verse of the week too :) )
 
 
This is a magnificent portrait of what Christianity is all about.  Its not about the "Do's and Dont's", its about the "I Wills, and I Wants".  We aren't a body of rule followers, we are a body of believers.  What we believe in doesn't preach about how we should be "nice" or conform to "modern Christianity".  It preaches about love, love, love. Thats it. Love.  If you allow your heart to love, everything else will follow.  What the world does is numb us, causing us to do things and worship things that bind our loving ability.  We are a perverse and self-centered society that runs as far away from God's love as possible. 
 
John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.."
  
  
 
Oh well... once more i proved to be the most absent-minded person on the face of the earth.  On the way back from kamp last month i left my term check in my friends truck in Dallas.... GO ME!!!  ... aaaaand today i left my laundry bag full of stinky.. dirty... grimy.. uhh did i say dirty? gooey... grotesque.. (blah you get the picture) clothes at the church in Wharton.. why did i leave them??? no clue... got busy doing little chores for peeps.. oh well i'm just durn airheaded.
 
GET EXCITED!!! Kamp cheers are running through my head... I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET MY NEXT 48 KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Pray for me guys, pray for my kids.. pray i would live far above reproach.. that my heart would be the softest material possible for Christ to leave his imprint.  Pray he would keep me energized and that he would increase my discernment to an all new high! 
 
"But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears"
1 Corinthians 13:10
 
Peace be with you brothers and sisters
May His face shine upon you :)
 
~Forever Forward~
Ryan
 
--
 
 
 

well i'm back, I guess.

How was kamp? good question, but I would rather you ask "How wasn't kamp?". Kamp was everything. One of the things we teach the kids after archery is that the technical professional term for missing the bulls eye is sin. Guys Kamp "hit the mark" more than anything I have ever been apart of. The reason why 350 kids came to know Christ this month was because of the perfection every single councilor and leadership staffer strive for. Guys I truly believe that without that ambition that kamp would have been nothing. Kamp pretty much raised the bar for my entire life, thats how kamp was. I have a new standard. My life was perfected this summer because Jesus Christ worked on my heart while i was isolated from the world. I was able to sit in His throne room for 6 weeks, whose life wouldn't change? I had 4 groups of kids ranging from 12 to 14 years old, 48 kids total. Christ shone in each of their faces every night at devo and every day during activities. God rewarded me the last 3 days of kamp this term and it blew me away. After the last week's Cross talk, 7 of my kampers accepted Christ... let me tell ya, there was a huge group of angels rejoicing in my tepee cuz over half my kampers that week took off thier modern Christian masks and became new believers... I was able to share the joy with God and it was so humbling. The bar has been raised.

three questions that will burn from my lips:
Who are your men(/women)?
What scripture are you memorizing?
Who are you evangelizing/dicipling?

1 Corinthians 13
If I am to speak in toungs of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbol

what is real? what is true? is there such thing as coincidence?
Do you believe each and every tiny particle arranged of this world plays a vital role in your every day life? If we rid even the smallest thing from existence, would the world collapse as we know it? Would His intricate design be the same if he left one microscopic detail out?

God's blueprints of this world and its dimensions are perfect. Without acknowledging this how can you live a life of purpose and truth?
A buddy of mine made a very profound statement tonight. We were actually watching a spider spin a web on the docks of Somerville lake... "How could anyone ever doubt that there is a God". How could such a tiny thing have the know how to spin the design? Where did this knowledge come from? Who teaches spider's how to spin webs?-- Someone had to do it. Someone had to design the biological features that allowed the spider to be born with the innate knowledge of survival. Its kinda like how you can throw almost any animal in the water only to find out that they could swim better than you (well for me anyways). So ya know this applies to humans too... we, as babies, can cry for example... if this wasn't something that came along with birth, how would the parents ever know if a baby was hungry... (imagine teaching your kid how to cry, lol)

spiritual rebirth?
Jesus told Nicodemus that he must be born of the water and spirit..."Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit gives birth to spirit" John 3:6. Our spiritual birth is not of this world-- yet we are still given an "innate feature" called the Holy Spirit. We believe that when we are saved this feature, the Holy Spirit, resides within us. Jesus then follows with this verse
John 3:8 - "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

This verse is a true definition of how God has been for me this semester... i know I've been kinda talkin craziness for a little bit.. and i doubt many get past the few lines of dullness.. but this verse explains this year.

The wind blows wherever is pleases...
Our God has reigning sovereignty over all, period. He's omnipresent, omnipotent, and composed of everlasting love.
You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit
Ahh man... i could go on all night about this little sentence. I've got an everlasting hunger that I feel sometimes will never be fed while living in such a lavish Americanized lifestyle. My entire life's atmosphere is surround by materialism... its sickening. This hunger is defiantly the product of a zealous search for Him. From the very beginning i devoted this year to the Lord. What I mean is while experiencing my first year of college I decided to do so with the Lord. Words cannot describe the changes he has brought.. i can read my past blogs and slap myself in the forehead over and over.. and over and over... and over... and it keeps going... infact it grows exponentially... lol. This past semester God created in me an undying passion for the Him.. one that cannot be kept silent. I have such great confidence that I will be used in a huge way to glorify His kingdom, and I've really searched for what that calling is. I applied to Kanakuk the beginning of the semester, I had such a great peace about applying that I almost knew for certain that God wanted me to do this.. i remember sitting there in the chair at After Dark and feeling the light click on when they talked about the kamp. And behold! i survived a rigorous interview where a man dissected my spiritual life piece by piece and was able to describe things about myself that even I didn't know in less than 45 minutes... I'm so excited that I get to know him a lot more this summer. This application process happened last fall.. so by the time spring came around I had my doubts once more whether I should serve at camp.. or whether I would even be accepted.. and so here I was wondering what God wants me to do this summer and Pine Cove's "Club" worship service comes into town. I went and partied for a night there, and yes Pine Cove does rock if you have doubts or are unsure. I started talking to some friends who were working there this summer and decided to apply just to "make sure" I'm not missing out on an opportunity to serve. After just really praying about it though, and after another interview with those guys I pretty much decided that it wasn't gunna be for me and didn't fulfill the application requirements. So what next??? Spring break rolls around and I get an email from Kanakuk right before I was gunna leave to go on a canoeing adventure! I had gotten accepted and really had a huge peace about who I am and what I am seeking. So this spring semester I had missed a lot of upstreams to start off with because I pretty much buckled down on school and Thursdays is notorious for hosting A+ tutoring sessions for physics 208 smack dab in the middle of upstream. I didn't really think about applying for Upstream leader until I had a little convo with traci for a few hours one night... I from then on I really prayed about it and was convinced that it wasn't coincidence... I was convinced that God was challenging me to apply to lead this group next semester-- So I did so, and went through, yet again, another interview process. The questions were great, everything flowed well. And well after that interview I was really confident of my future as a Christian, not necessarily as an Upstream leader but as a Christian. I knew at that point that God had given me a great idea of who I am and who He is in my life. I knew at that point that faithfulness in Him would be everlasting and omnipresent because I can see no turning back, I can see no life without Christ as the facet that pivots my thoughts and desires. So with the year winding up I've been really looking at the path i'm taking academically and questioning whether the gifts God has given me will be used best through aerospace engineering inparticular... I dunno this sounds really weird and very well possibly could be a sign... but i have never actually flown in an airplane before.. and I am planning to design them.. is that uhhh normal? lol. At one point I just wanted to quit school and flee from America and its Satanist impressions on society, and live a life of simplicity and devout servitude in a deprived land. I've heard so many amazing stories of how God is able to work so masterfully in the places in which faith is soul purpose that everyone wakes for. With great faith God is able to do so much more, such as moving that mountain. So anyways the past week I've been really contemplating my major and have decided to wait on the grades, but I'm thinking i want to switch to a different type of engineering discipline. One that I could would be a little more useful in possibly. I am still not sure but I know God will provide, that is the beauty of it all. This week I got this call from Upstream and got told that God didn't have plans for me to serve in Upstream next year, so now I'm kinda wondering where my ministry should be this upcoming fall. I'm prayin about it and do have a few open doors but I don't want them to be anything that could be the product of selfishness, so i'm kinda just sitting back and listening right now.

I have a heart for missions if you haven't caught that yet. I want to serve "over there". I want to become integrated into the everyday life of people who need the Lord. The only thing is God hasn't opened the door yet.. but i feel so ready! I'm not in a state of concern as much as it anxiousness... Seminary is very much in the picture as well :) A few of my friends are doing that and it just seems so right. I was kinda talkin about this with a friend the other night... my future plans and what possibilities there are, and he was talkin about how well i adapt with people here and how its not easy. So yeeeeeeeah i am still so clueless!!!!!(but thats exciting at the same time)

So this is where this kinda ties in.. I hear His sound, I feel it. I honestly have no clue where it is coming from, and its such a beautiful mystery. As far as knowing where it is going... i obviously have no clue but am anxiously in awe as he leads me on my own unique path.

Isaiah 40:3-4
A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain

I'm preparing the construction of this highway, and He is going to see to it that the valleys will be raised up and the mountain and hill made low. That's the awesome beauty of crucifying yourself and living totally by faith that He will provide and see you through the worst of times. All it takes is faith.


Crucify yourself. Let Him reign in your life. Proclaim it each time you wake up.

What an amazing year.

~Forever Forward~

wow.

I have changed this past week more than probably any other in my life. There are so many things I want to say... but it is 4AM and i just got home. This song can sum it up for now...

Wait, I might hesitate
Am I a minute too late?
Please Lord, I need to know, this pressure's got me letting go
If I'm wrong, will I still carry on and end up where I belong?
*ah* I've never felt this way before

bridge:
I've never come so close, I've never worn so thin
I'm stepping out instead of closing in
Left myself behind when I made up my mind
No turning back, this is my new design

chorus:
Sometimes I feel so alone
It's like I'm standing out here on my own
I've never felt so far from home
It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone (x2)

I see what your doing to me
Could have been you so easily
But you look the other way, even though we were close the other day
And I'm still trying to get up this hill, I need you just like a pill
*ah* I've never felt this way before

bridge and chorus

Do ya get the feeling everything will be alright?
I'm moving; so pleased to meet you, but I'm moving on
Tried to pass it to another, but its coming on
I can't wait to find out, break me, I cant seem to climb out of this hole
I'm stuck again; if I'm not out in a minute
I'm jumping in; lets start again
I'm sick of this, lets just get it out
Are ya feeling it? Move it back, ya wanna feel how real it is?

chorus

sometimes I feel so alone!

Well I believe you when you would say your hand will guide me everywhere
well i receive the words you say every moment of every day,
well I will walk by faith even when i cannot see, well because this broken world will plant your will for me.
Help me to rid my endless fears - you've been so faithfully for all my years
with the one breath you make me need - your grace covers all i do. walk by faith-jeremy camp

God has given me a great deal of peace this past week. Hes keeps making his presence so obvious that there is nothing for me to do but be abundantly joyful. The hope he gives me is my peace. I know that I am taken care of... I know there isn't a sin I can commit that will screw up my life, for our God is just.

"...through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the glory of the Lord" Romans 5:1-2

all it takes is faith to save your soul from eternal condemnation... all it takes is faith to relieve yourself of so many worries...
A deep intimate relationship with our savior fixes.. all our problems. He puts us at ease.. lifts the massive yolk. Jesus has more than just love for each and everyone of us.. he has a romance that is capable maintaining a personal, intimate relationship with every person on earth. If that doesn't put you at ease.. i dunno what will. Jesus is your Savior.

UPSTREAM IS AWESOME!! we had our last meeting last night :(, .. it was so tight though.. we went to this random train bridge way outside of town at like 12AM and had our groupage till like 2AM.. it was way cool

I am so pumped right now.. i've had such a great 2 days.. waking up past 12.. doing NOTHING!! and having a road trip tomorrow to UT!! dang man this is just great :) I finally faxed all my kanakuk documentation stuff off today.. they must have called me like 5 times since march.. the due date... lol... silly lazy Christian kids. Anyways im off to spend the entire night playing Halo like there is no tomorrow... it is going to be so awesome you should wish you were coming.. 3 X-Boxes... 3 TV's.... 8+ people.... (some of the girls are better than me.. ). Halo could be described as the game that connects the nerds and the jocks... its like a universal game for all social groups. anyhooo
May His Peace be with you

~Forever Forward~