ok so i slide my card to open my Walton dorm door only to find the entire first floor flooded. Three guys were standing there while I was "soaking" in the situation. I decided to ask what happend, and one of the three pointed at the water fountain that was stuck on "high" mode. Then i thought back to the previous events of the day... and was like... whoops i remember hitting the fountain earlier that day cuz it was stuck and made it worse... lol. He told me not to worry blah blah.. and so i asked uhhh who are you? ahh my RA's, thats pleasant to know. So we continued to stand in an inch of water on carpet and another was like.. hmmm "whoa dude its going to be funny when the power goes out, because all the hall's power wiring is right there in water". I was like "uhh well maybe we shouldn't be standing in the water." ( mmm the weed is good isn't it? )...

anyways that is my first Walton hall catastrophe.

I think I had an encouter with food gone bad yesterday cuz i'm pretty durn sick. We bar-B-Q's at bobby "swole" 's house yesterday, I dunno something wasn't right :x, so I've felt horrible all super sunday.

anyhoo

i got up way early and felt really horrible. but i still went to sunday worship at wesley :), it was definatly worth it cuz it hit directly home with me. I am for sure going to find time to open up to max this week, hes very inspiring. Then, since i lasted through wesley service i headed to Living Hope with Nathan, oh boy what a mess-- I ended up mudding to a parkin spot, it was jam packed. As the service progressed i started feeling really crappy again, i couldn't stand without getting dizzy. At one point i thought i was ok and stood up and felt the most lightheaded i have ever felt, like when u vision goes black and ur like crrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap my head. oh well. i survived and thought living hope was very exciting. I still am in pursuit of the fitting church home.

anyhoo its time for me to bask in sleep. I slept from 1pm to 4pm this evening..

Wow school has started! I am back into circulation with a different agenda every single day!!

A tough issue I have encoutered is who i should share my time with. Where should I serve?
Who do I spend time with the most? It is very possible that I've over dedicated my time. Last semester I was all about being "on fire" for God. Each opportunity that I was given to praise and serve him through an organization was pounced on. Now this semester, school has started, WORK will start next week, all of my organizations are having reunion meetings, i joined Men's choir! (for the three weeks that it is going to exist), and I've added to my course load!!!!!!

something has gotta give to allow all of this to fit into my life. God's plan for my life is one of comfort and untouchable by stress. His works within my life will fit exactly into the continuum of my life. There will be no empty spaces, hes planned it all.

"Its not what you know, its who you know", this statement is spread across college campuses world wide.
Who do I Know? Who do I share my God given time with?

1. transparency: So fine in texture that it can be seen through

The best friends in my life are those who keep me informed of thier walk with Christ. I don't have to put on a face and worry about how they analyze the intent of my words. Our hearts are forever bonded by the love of christ, and inturn gives us a very deep understanding of one another. The capacity of the love we share is beyond all bounds. The bonds we share in Christ create the deepest friendship known to God aside to the relationship we have with him. I've created a few of those relationship this semester, and I have found that they are the people who truely are capable of delivering comfort and support when I slip or take a wrong turn on my great expedition.

So i've totally met alot of new cool people this semester and am arranging to meet many more and totally share the love thats overflow'in in my heart, and once more! I will put a special focus on outreach this semester as I meet new faces around me. I met someone in history class today and I knew that Yes there is a reason I am sitting here. I need to share christ, its what I'm called to do so i make convo and take names, preparing to go in for the kill..., then class starts, doh! I failed earlier that morning in the coffee shop. I had the chance to spark conversation but i totally decided not to.. I didn't want to I dont know why! oh well maybe it was God saying YOU IDIOT SAY SOMETHING!! I sat at the table for like 15 minutes without talking at all! I got my coffee and started reading... I was like.. hmm maybe i should say something... but then i was like hmm... i don't wanna bother anyone let me mosey on down to class in 45 minutes... it does take awhile to get from the library to heldenfelds... blah!! A great contingency to fulfill my purpose was once more blown by the intraverted moron!
anyhoo
life is nuts!

so the online journal hasn't been gettin much attention.

My life has taken a few different turns the past few weeks. Priorities changing constantly, infact they are still mostly undefined.

On the way to my Mexico mission trip I bogged myself into Eldredge's Wild at Heart, a very amazing revelation of a man's heart.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" Pslam 37:4

What does my beating heart desire? What exactly does God promise to deliver in return for my humility?

Eldredge states a very amazing reality:

" The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep thier promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming. . . a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys... Now let me as my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of becoming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Price of your dreams dashing . . . or merely nice?) "

What I desire is something beyond a beautiful christian wife with a beautiful christian home. I desire a life walking on a tight rope every second of the day. Eldredge reveal's his idea of a man's heart's desires as an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to rescue. I truely agree that God wants us to live on fire and in danger. His passion for us is overflowing cuz its his love that created us, hes madly in love with us. I can imagine that if I was madly in love with some chick, I would not remain within the "safe" boundaries. I would put my heart on the line, take down it's barriers of defense, and reveal its vulnerabilities. God does that constantly, and believe me, he has had enough heart rippage from me alone. Thats insane.

I was having a "transparency" chat the other night and totally dug an analogy of God's love for us, i swear it made me tear up. The love between the trinity was so great that it overflowed and God created earth in order for us to share his love. The comfort and extense of his love is unexplainable cuz its greater than any measurements availible to the human mind as well as heart.

anyhooo tommorow is my first day of a new semester, a new begining.

ahhhhh my last night at home for the break....... time passes so fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to be saying ahhhhhhhhh my last day of work before i retire in like a week, I can already tell. Then when i'm subject to review before our eternal Father i'm gunna be like AHHHHHHHH my last review for the Kingdom of Eternity.

the world in which we are temporarily inhabiting calls us to "live for the moment", cuz life passes us by REEEEEal quick.

It also can portray christianity as a religious group whose morals and values supress any opportunity to do so. Let me tell ya, it ain't so. Putting God first in your life creates an overflowing abundnace of joy deep within your soul. With Him present within your heart, all worries are obliterated.

Our friends, our relatives, people we have never known before should be able to say, "dang d'er is sumthin different about that dude" because there is something different about christians! The universal creator has saved our lives for eternity. We travel the path less trodded on and by no means is it simplistic. Our life reflects his Love.

" And a main road will go through that once deserted land. It will be named the Highway of Holiness. Evil-hearted people will never travel on it. It will be only for those who walk in God's ways; fools will never walk there. "
Isaiah 35:8

"A man without a purpose is a ship without a rudder - a waif, a no man, a nothing"
- Thomas Carlyle

Just like the ship, I need something to steer my life. I need a light to save the very foundations of my soul when rocky shores emerge. I need an understanding of the great undertaking that grants my forgiveness. I need sacrafice.

But sadly, I remain in paradox. I proclaim what I need and act on the opposite. I stumble and face plant, breaking my glasses (which have been broken on numerous occasions) and just totaly eat the dirt with sorrows beyond belief.

BUT, i must say THERE IS HOPE. THERE is a solution. It tends to be the same one each and every "trip" you could say. (whether u treat that as narcotics or a root it don't matta)

Give him the reigns. Show him your passion. Proclaim his name at the top of your lungs.
James 4:10 " Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. "

God doesn't play dice - Albert Einstein

BE PREPARED! (a little boy scout action going on)

Things do and don't happen for reasons that none of us can phathom.

He calls us to be dressed for action with our lamps lit every day and night of the week. He is going to knock at a time unknown by any one except by the omnipotent universal creator. Knowing this allows time to control our lives.
How so?
Time is the interval seperating a continuum.
As christians we are awaiting our Saviour's arrival. This could be in the next 30 seconds!!! Are you prepared?
We cannot tame time. Preparation must be continuous! not sporadic!

Live each day as a joyous homecoming celebration for baby jesus, wildly on fire! A blaze that no man can control! Wake up to your first glimps of light hoping and praying that it is He who is at the source awaiting with a one-way chariot heading to our eternal resting place.

I can only imagine.

Live life as though He were holding your hand the entire time :)

peace out fokes.

well my reflections on the past few days are kinda weary, definatly a slump due to the fact he keeps getting pushed to the side.

God is Great.
I am not.
I have passion for Him, and yet, I still deceive Him.
Life is depressing without God. Taking the reigns only makes things worse :/
I need him. I thrive on his blessings. I exist on his blessings. Noone said it would be easy leading a life through Christ and its not. Infact, i would say it is much more challenging.

On a brighter note, i am gunna start Wild at Heart tommorow after i open more presents :)

Praise da Lord for Baby Jesus' Birthday!

there is definatly no word to describe humans better than "unique" or maybe a more flavorous "eccentric"

Without taking this into perspective, while meeting the multitudes in a new enviroment, deep feelings are accessible to the least of events! Making new friends, whether it be guy or girl, requires a patience that can sometimes only be found through ordinances of faith. There is always the "annoying" one who is placed in your life for this very reason; a test. Its part of a series of endless tests that build to the great exam at the end of our worldly time, and, my friends, it is cumulative based. Testing is how God gets his kicks out of us. He is a God of greed believe it or not! He wants everyone to love him beyond all bounds. A walk without jumps is boring! He wants us to be capable of fully trusting on him through think and thin. That's faith! Its durn hard to respond to a cripling tradgedy with "Oh God, how great thou Art!". That is an awesome understanding that I am being nudged to grasp as of late.

The unique natures of each and every person serve as a new adventure! sometimes this adventure is fun, othertimes it has short endings, but either way God is still the puppet master with purpose beyond understanding, great ehhh? I "tink soe"

God's Purpose in Your life: to please Him.
God's Greatest Pleasure: being known and loved.

~ Forever Forward ~

So i was drivin around today doing some errands and listening to a burned cd i made this week of a few bands im being introduced to, and this song really stood out.



Hey Wait - Sanctus Real

So confined to the fear that you hold on to
Time unwinds and nothing seems
Promised you

Hey wait, i want to take you for a ride
Hey wait, i want to catch you
While there's time

Who'll pick you up when there's no one
around?
Who'll hold you up when your heart
Hits the ground?

So defined by a love that has fallen through
But hope is kind
When you hope in something
You know is true

Hey wait, i want to take you for a ride
Hey wait, i want to catch you
While there's time

I'll pick you up when there's no one
Around
I'll hold you up when your heart
Hits the ground

You're tired and you can't take
Another time around
You know it's hope i'm holding
So i hope i've found you in this
(i've found you in this)

I'll pick you up when there's no one
Around
I'll hold you up when you heart
Hits the ground

This is why christianity is so awesome. We got DC++++ (direct connection) with our best friend, the lover of our soul. This crazy dude wants us before its too late! Man its so sweet to know that no matter how crappy i am feeling, how torn i am inside, i can spend a little time in contemplation and get picked up to an elevation unreachable to pain and suffering. its sweet surrender. instead of raising the white flag to signal your enemies of thier victory, grab onto the white sheets and get pulled up

"Turn it up and let the people know, I'll never let it go, I'll never let it go!" -TFK
I would also like to thank everyone i know for helping shape the person I am today. I love you guys and pray that my actions may always serve as boosts for your own walk.

~Forever Forward~

-
Life begins. How beautiful it is.

Beautiful. Splendorous. Magnificant.

As a toddler, we were totally oblivious to our own beauty, our miraculous conception. It takes a few years to define the purpose of exisitance before one can truely grasp why life is beautiful.

Why is life beautiful?

The gift of life was given through one sole undertaking, that is awesome. Life is beautiful because no matter how much we fall, slip, or dive into things so complexly undefined, we can use a simplistic way to rediscover and reinvent who we are. We are loved to such an extent, that there is no other love comparable. Its a love that is unbounded to anything earthly treasures can hold, a love that cannot be truely concieved bya mere human. It's expanses are beyond our grasp man! We are loved constantly and its omnipresent state will never leave our side. So when you are down, when life hits you with alot of crap man, its alright. Its alright.


Why does life seem to be brutal at times of despair?

Ha, i know none of us will ever truely experience being forsaken, cuz it says he won't hehe.

His intricate plan is omnipresent along with his love guys. When an eleven year old kid is nearly drowns and goes into a coma, His will is in its most unconcievable state. But dudes, hes got it all mapped out. Collin is an innocent eleven year old who loved playing baseball and going hunting. But, instead of doing either of these, he is now staring in the biggest game of all. His life has fallen into the mercies of the Lord's intricate plan. God has taken him under his wing.

That is beautiful my friend.

Alrighty here I am.

Spent the entire day not studying four days before two final examinations.
Why don't i care? Because I had a great day.
I was able to experience His beautifully created day. The afternoon was so extravagently carved that i was able to find a grassy knoll, whip out some Mr. Warren and totally engulf in his glory. It was overwhelming paradise. So that lasted... about 4 hours.. lol. I fell asleep in the middle somewhere, it was so exhilarating!!

I do have work ahead of me, but i know that no madder what, i will perservere to the end because of Him. Its inevitable.

Trials and tribulations attempt to run our lives, such as the attempting to keep that 4.0. If we let ourselves remain on the freeway of stress and worry, there will exist only honking horns, graphic sign language, and choice words. Guys we need the scenic route alot of the time. We need our quiet time to recognize what he has given us.

Road rage can closely parallel with the fallibilities of man. You must confess that at one point and time within your life, you have been very angry with the ignorance of another driver. Your love towards this person quickly diminishes the moment they pull out infront of you. My cousin was murdered in houston on a freeway last year. A group of teenagers through a brick from the back of thier truck onto his windshield going 60mph. Why? Why would God let such an event happen. The brick itself did not kill him, his anger did. He chased this truck and forced it to stop. For some ungodly reason my cousin got out expecting to kick some butt and was struck in the head repeatedly with a board of nails. Grotesque? I think so.

Where is God's reasoning?

Well lets go back to the begining describing my awesome day. What defined my day as awesome? How was i able to distinguish this day from the rest? Without a bad day, how can i have a good one. How would I ever be able to explicitly give glory to God without events such as my cousin's murder? I pray for blessings and understanding upon his family, but I praise and exalt God. He has allowed myself to perservere from this tragedy by furthering my glorification of his awesome omnipotent presence.

I tend to miss the exit ramps.
" The path of life leads upward for the wise to keep him from going down to the grave." Proverb 15:24
Today's scenic route once more steered me towards Him.

wow, so i've got alot of information to memorize these next two weeks...
so... i need to ask the 8-ball some questions... it is definatly my source of wisdom..

will i remember the information after christmas? Ha no way.
will have have the GPR required to stay in my major? Ha no idea.
do i have any clue what classes im going to sign up for in 3 days? Ha no clue.
does my name alone define procrastination? maybe.
will i survive? Lets hope so.

wow dudes God is great.

the Ancient of Days, hes called
wonderfully magnificant in extravagance
clothing whiter than snow
at his feet, rivers of fire aflow
his will, wants, needs take all-
all of life's attention, not part
for part leaves whole behind
and behind is not a place to be left.

Twilight - The time of the day when the sun is just below the horizon.

A midway point of time, an area of true gray. Twilight is what sinners live in, a life of both worlds. The only difference in Christian sinners is that they are mere sinners saved by Grace even though night is still trying to hold on. Two worlds, one body. Two wills, one decision. Two desires, one heart. Two choices, one action. You have self rightousness in one hand, and holy rightousness in the other "The dawning day, the dying night". Twilight is where we bog down into sin, where the light turns gray, where our love's intent is shattered by evil, where it is good to be a Christian. His unparalelled love, the definition of true love, His sacrafice ends our twilight.

Praise Jesus. Man we are only pawns placed strategically in order to honor and glorify you and you alone.

Lord's will for Jeff has been found. He truely made it. His aspirations and hard work found His will and now look, the boy's gift is reaching thousands of people. I can only envy the focus Jeff has found. His story is a prime example of what i fear the most: submitting to God's will when it might not be part of my "Masterplan" so to speak. Man, Jeff is(was) a senior in college this semester and has worked with me at the station for two years, and he was about to get his degree in machinery mechanics when the offer of his dreams was placed into his life: to share God's word in Knoxville, Tennessee 6 nights a week professionally. The boy has got a voice. He dropped everything. When the Blackwood Brothers quartet called his house offering a position in the quartet due to the tenor having to quit, he left the next day to live up to his life's potential. He won't be able to come back and visit untill next year, and he left November 1st. Man that is powerful testamony.

My trip home also raised the issue of thankfulness, and i do think that i would never be able to thank my parents enough for what they have given me, everything. God, our father, gave his son, and my parents have devoted thier lifetimes for such an unthankful product of thier love. Man how can i ever repay any of them??? its going to be close to impossible to repay my parents, but God gave a priceless jewel, his own son, for my life. Man how can i thank him enough!!!!! good grief how pitiful and unconsiderate i am. It breaks my heart to know that inevitably i will cause God pain within the next 24 hours. Oh how i long for true rightousness man... that will be the ultimate high.

Lamentations has been hitting me all freggin weekend. Jeremiah must have really been a pimp for God to be able to express his emotions so vividly. Its as though he targets his words to my young frivolous generation who ale for Jesus but don't seek church. His mentorship is that of a wise elder hoping to enlighten a nieve youth of life and its trivias. At the peak of Jeremiah's message, at the pinnacle of his emotions, he exclaims "Great is thy faithfulness" (3:23). When i read this, i picture a southern baptist preacher screaming at the top of his lungs across the pulpit... Jeremiah is screaming at heart with joy that his awesome savior hath not forsaken and wilt not. His peaking message states " Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. " (Lam 3:22-23).

Every morning i wake, thank god because it says every morning his compassions change. In order for me to seek them i gotta get on da phone and ask for directions...

"The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young." (Lam 3:25-27)

Quietly waiting could take many interpretations. My own quietness at the present time consists of leading a life unattached from bonds that would bound my experiences to a certain group or person. Creating many aquaintances in which i am able to share my testimony and allowing myself to utilize the God given talents within myself such as the ablility to reach out towards others and serve as a mentor are both ways God has used my vessel as a life saving medium since high school. I can only pray that I continue to remain spiritually fit in order to be capable to build those relationships through christ and christ alone.

God calls me to worship him daily throughout the bible.. but as shaun said it doesn't talk anywhere about singing. It talks about outreach, studying his word, keeping my personal relationship with christ at a strong distance. (When i refer to it as a strong distance i imply that the work required to input space between the relationship is great, but on the same tangent, the work required to reach Rightousness is considerably harder. God challenges faith so we can express our true devotion towards him. God is jealous, he wants EVERYTHING!!!!! ) I am addicited to contemporary music worship, i must admit. The word is sumth'in i need to dig into, and will start to!
yiiiipeeee time for bed now.

so i play chess right? in high school i was considered good within my youth group.. undefeated since our tournament in Mexico 2 summers ago. The truth in all actuality is that they were terrible. Its kinda how Churchhill described democracy... " The best of the worst". (Thank you Jon Bond). So when i came to college i started to play online alot during my classes... specifically engineering 111. My record is like.. 2 and 36. I am constantly in check and then mysteriously i lose! i don't even see it coming... its depressing! i suck at chess! granted these opponets have records exceeding 1000 wins. But the point of my story was last night, at 1 A.M. i was studying for my test this evening... I did not have time to study this weekend for it cuz i spent HOURS on phsyics... The cramming is causing stess, worry, guilt, everything satan could possibly manage to place on my heart. All of those things don't matter though, I lift them up to him and he lightens my load... so i opened up the bible last night and found a very promising verse that gave me confidence..

Jeremiah 32:40 " And i will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from doing them good; but I will put Fear in their hearts so that the will not depart from Me. "

After reading this verse it all made sense. If I didn't possess the fear of failure, would my walk with him consequently stumble or halt ultimatly? Good question. I merely a human in Check.

well off to watch the thunderbirds rock out, see ya.

Life is short.

His will, not my will. Man before the sermon at breakaway started, i prayed. I prayed that my entire plan for life at the moment, my entire dream of the future.. was His will not my will.. The sermon TOTALLY HIT MY WEAK SPOT!!! OMGOSH! Breakaway tends to spank me every week!@!

Does he want me to be an Aerospace Engineer???? I don't know, I pray that he reveil the rightous path to take.. I just don't know... In a lunch bible study we explored this topic.. "Does god have a little plan for everyone of us.. does he have a job, a skill, a trade for each and every one of us... ??????????? The answer was no. The answer was that he doesn't have a secular job for each and everyone of us picked out... predestined to fall into.. but instead if we are to daily lift his name.. strive for his holy-rightousness.. the path taken in doing so will be his path.. His path is His will... His will is his word. Don't get me wrong.. God puts people in places to use the talents given to them by God, which might include secular jobs.. but god's plan won't always entail a 8-5, 5 day a week job.

I am very confused right now... but then again i know it don't matta.. my life is in his hands.. How can i explain this to my parents who don't share the word of god in my home? Will they understand if i say "Hey mom.. i decided that god's will is gunna do a little changing with our finances... ". Complications such as these prick my mind.. prick my brain.. deeply.. imagine a large thorn puncturing your physical brain.. weaving through your organ.. i have a headache at the moment.. thats what it feels like :( .. tonight breakaway ONCE MORE, emotionally banged me up.. i gotta admit i was tearin up a little tid bit :)

His life, his will.. not my own. I can only pray that i follow it. Surrendering All... Giving my life to gain his... Sacrafice.. man all of these are big words... easy to type... humanly impossible to fullfill 100%... thank you jesus!! :) i love ya man! Hehe i can't wait to hang out with him up dere... i bet hes got one heck of a sense of humor. Well lets hope i can get up and work out in da morning.. im slackin off!
night light.. night bright.. turn on the colorful shiny light

i haven't gotten around to posting one of these in a bit. This is actually in direct correlation with my walk with christ, sadly... I haven't been exactly living "on fire for god" but more so living "lukewarm", experiencing life inside my comfort zone. Today I wasn't able to wake up early like i usually do on mon/wend. and experience a beautiful morning on the way to the rec.. i was lazy.. i wanted to sleep just a little more... this is a definate example of one instance in which I didn't respond to god's awesomeness, but instead I attempted to satisfy myself with other things... i believe that as we mature in our relationship with christ, dicipline is a must man!!! my dicipline would include taking time out for god, looking, experiencing the world around myself such as finding a place to stare at the stars one night or getting up early as mentioned before and feeling an early morning breeze... keeping my temple at the upmost alertness (staying in shape).. giving my worries to him!! thats really hard during my school times... but i find when i do give everything to him, humbling myself towards him becomes much much easier in the long run.

If i didn't have to take summer school next summer i would most definatly work at Philmount Scout Ranch in New mexico.. I got the application in the mail last week-- I am still debating... i could just come back as a 2nd year freshman and go out there and work all summer.. it is SOOOOO beautiful out there, i definatly reached an all-time jesus high... his beauty was so abundant...

well anyhow, God is such a pimp!!! and like they say.. Pimp'in Ain't easy.. if that isn't an oxymoron i don't know what is.... lol

Great things come, leave, wither into the past. But the greatest thing of all contains none of these attributes. The greatest thing one might possess is forever and omnipresent. So many things in this life gain priority over the greatest thing whether we strive for perfection or not, its human nature. We are not perfect. Its the understanding that we have these self-satisfying priorities existing within our heart that makes us Christian. We see our flaws.. our incompatablities with God's will.. our actions that result in severing God's heart. His love for us is abundant through thick and through thin. And as christians we believe Jesus was crucified in order to grant our forgiveness, no matter the degree.

One of the hardest things to overcome is to gather the courage to ask for this forgiveness. We must cry out out for our father to rip our pains, ales, worries, sins, constraints, Burdens out of our mind, our heart, our life. He can carry and does carry the weight of the world daily for all eternity. I can only hope that i will continue to be able to cry out daily, be able take the yoke off of my shoulder and instead take God's... cuz his yoke is easy, its virtually burdenless...