Tuesday, October 21, 2003

His will, not my will. Man before the sermon at breakaway started, i prayed. I prayed that my entire plan for life at the moment, my entire dream of the future.. was His will not my will.. The sermon TOTALLY HIT MY WEAK SPOT!!! OMGOSH! Breakaway tends to spank me every week!@!

Does he want me to be an Aerospace Engineer???? I don't know, I pray that he reveil the rightous path to take.. I just don't know... In a lunch bible study we explored this topic.. "Does god have a little plan for everyone of us.. does he have a job, a skill, a trade for each and every one of us... ??????????? The answer was no. The answer was that he doesn't have a secular job for each and everyone of us picked out... predestined to fall into.. but instead if we are to daily lift his name.. strive for his holy-rightousness.. the path taken in doing so will be his path.. His path is His will... His will is his word. Don't get me wrong.. God puts people in places to use the talents given to them by God, which might include secular jobs.. but god's plan won't always entail a 8-5, 5 day a week job.

I am very confused right now... but then again i know it don't matta.. my life is in his hands.. How can i explain this to my parents who don't share the word of god in my home? Will they understand if i say "Hey mom.. i decided that god's will is gunna do a little changing with our finances... ". Complications such as these prick my mind.. prick my brain.. deeply.. imagine a large thorn puncturing your physical brain.. weaving through your organ.. i have a headache at the moment.. thats what it feels like :( .. tonight breakaway ONCE MORE, emotionally banged me up.. i gotta admit i was tearin up a little tid bit :)

His life, his will.. not my own. I can only pray that i follow it. Surrendering All... Giving my life to gain his... Sacrafice.. man all of these are big words... easy to type... humanly impossible to fullfill 100%... thank you jesus!! :) i love ya man! Hehe i can't wait to hang out with him up dere... i bet hes got one heck of a sense of humor. Well lets hope i can get up and work out in da morning.. im slackin off!
night light.. night bright.. turn on the colorful shiny light

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