Saturday, May 08, 2004

what is real? what is true? is there such thing as coincidence?
Do you believe each and every tiny particle arranged of this world plays a vital role in your every day life? If we rid even the smallest thing from existence, would the world collapse as we know it? Would His intricate design be the same if he left one microscopic detail out?

God's blueprints of this world and its dimensions are perfect. Without acknowledging this how can you live a life of purpose and truth?
A buddy of mine made a very profound statement tonight. We were actually watching a spider spin a web on the docks of Somerville lake... "How could anyone ever doubt that there is a God". How could such a tiny thing have the know how to spin the design? Where did this knowledge come from? Who teaches spider's how to spin webs?-- Someone had to do it. Someone had to design the biological features that allowed the spider to be born with the innate knowledge of survival. Its kinda like how you can throw almost any animal in the water only to find out that they could swim better than you (well for me anyways). So ya know this applies to humans too... we, as babies, can cry for example... if this wasn't something that came along with birth, how would the parents ever know if a baby was hungry... (imagine teaching your kid how to cry, lol)

spiritual rebirth?
Jesus told Nicodemus that he must be born of the water and spirit..."Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit gives birth to spirit" John 3:6. Our spiritual birth is not of this world-- yet we are still given an "innate feature" called the Holy Spirit. We believe that when we are saved this feature, the Holy Spirit, resides within us. Jesus then follows with this verse
John 3:8 - "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

This verse is a true definition of how God has been for me this semester... i know I've been kinda talkin craziness for a little bit.. and i doubt many get past the few lines of dullness.. but this verse explains this year.

The wind blows wherever is pleases...
Our God has reigning sovereignty over all, period. He's omnipresent, omnipotent, and composed of everlasting love.
You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit
Ahh man... i could go on all night about this little sentence. I've got an everlasting hunger that I feel sometimes will never be fed while living in such a lavish Americanized lifestyle. My entire life's atmosphere is surround by materialism... its sickening. This hunger is defiantly the product of a zealous search for Him. From the very beginning i devoted this year to the Lord. What I mean is while experiencing my first year of college I decided to do so with the Lord. Words cannot describe the changes he has brought.. i can read my past blogs and slap myself in the forehead over and over.. and over and over... and over... and it keeps going... infact it grows exponentially... lol. This past semester God created in me an undying passion for the Him.. one that cannot be kept silent. I have such great confidence that I will be used in a huge way to glorify His kingdom, and I've really searched for what that calling is. I applied to Kanakuk the beginning of the semester, I had such a great peace about applying that I almost knew for certain that God wanted me to do this.. i remember sitting there in the chair at After Dark and feeling the light click on when they talked about the kamp. And behold! i survived a rigorous interview where a man dissected my spiritual life piece by piece and was able to describe things about myself that even I didn't know in less than 45 minutes... I'm so excited that I get to know him a lot more this summer. This application process happened last fall.. so by the time spring came around I had my doubts once more whether I should serve at camp.. or whether I would even be accepted.. and so here I was wondering what God wants me to do this summer and Pine Cove's "Club" worship service comes into town. I went and partied for a night there, and yes Pine Cove does rock if you have doubts or are unsure. I started talking to some friends who were working there this summer and decided to apply just to "make sure" I'm not missing out on an opportunity to serve. After just really praying about it though, and after another interview with those guys I pretty much decided that it wasn't gunna be for me and didn't fulfill the application requirements. So what next??? Spring break rolls around and I get an email from Kanakuk right before I was gunna leave to go on a canoeing adventure! I had gotten accepted and really had a huge peace about who I am and what I am seeking. So this spring semester I had missed a lot of upstreams to start off with because I pretty much buckled down on school and Thursdays is notorious for hosting A+ tutoring sessions for physics 208 smack dab in the middle of upstream. I didn't really think about applying for Upstream leader until I had a little convo with traci for a few hours one night... I from then on I really prayed about it and was convinced that it wasn't coincidence... I was convinced that God was challenging me to apply to lead this group next semester-- So I did so, and went through, yet again, another interview process. The questions were great, everything flowed well. And well after that interview I was really confident of my future as a Christian, not necessarily as an Upstream leader but as a Christian. I knew at that point that God had given me a great idea of who I am and who He is in my life. I knew at that point that faithfulness in Him would be everlasting and omnipresent because I can see no turning back, I can see no life without Christ as the facet that pivots my thoughts and desires. So with the year winding up I've been really looking at the path i'm taking academically and questioning whether the gifts God has given me will be used best through aerospace engineering inparticular... I dunno this sounds really weird and very well possibly could be a sign... but i have never actually flown in an airplane before.. and I am planning to design them.. is that uhhh normal? lol. At one point I just wanted to quit school and flee from America and its Satanist impressions on society, and live a life of simplicity and devout servitude in a deprived land. I've heard so many amazing stories of how God is able to work so masterfully in the places in which faith is soul purpose that everyone wakes for. With great faith God is able to do so much more, such as moving that mountain. So anyways the past week I've been really contemplating my major and have decided to wait on the grades, but I'm thinking i want to switch to a different type of engineering discipline. One that I could would be a little more useful in possibly. I am still not sure but I know God will provide, that is the beauty of it all. This week I got this call from Upstream and got told that God didn't have plans for me to serve in Upstream next year, so now I'm kinda wondering where my ministry should be this upcoming fall. I'm prayin about it and do have a few open doors but I don't want them to be anything that could be the product of selfishness, so i'm kinda just sitting back and listening right now.

I have a heart for missions if you haven't caught that yet. I want to serve "over there". I want to become integrated into the everyday life of people who need the Lord. The only thing is God hasn't opened the door yet.. but i feel so ready! I'm not in a state of concern as much as it anxiousness... Seminary is very much in the picture as well :) A few of my friends are doing that and it just seems so right. I was kinda talkin about this with a friend the other night... my future plans and what possibilities there are, and he was talkin about how well i adapt with people here and how its not easy. So yeeeeeeeah i am still so clueless!!!!!(but thats exciting at the same time)

So this is where this kinda ties in.. I hear His sound, I feel it. I honestly have no clue where it is coming from, and its such a beautiful mystery. As far as knowing where it is going... i obviously have no clue but am anxiously in awe as he leads me on my own unique path.

Isaiah 40:3-4
A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain

I'm preparing the construction of this highway, and He is going to see to it that the valleys will be raised up and the mountain and hill made low. That's the awesome beauty of crucifying yourself and living totally by faith that He will provide and see you through the worst of times. All it takes is faith.

Crucify yourself. Let Him reign in your life. Proclaim it each time you wake up.

What an amazing year.

~Forever Forward~