Saturday, October 16, 2004

::Self-Destruct::
So, this is the first time I've blogged in a long time. Its mainly been because I've had little time due to working and studying, but its partially because I felt that i might have been substituting blogging in the place of transparent relations with people. Well I suppose this summer was different since i was away for awhile. So why am i blogging now? Let me ask myself.
Self why are you blogging?
To show exactly how much my life has nothing to offer, and to show exactly how unplacid it really is.

Like i said earlier i have absolutely nothing to offer in this blog, so stop reading if you are thinking contrary (like that is possible!). I do deserve hell. I do deserve to be sent to a place to be constantly tortured and in agony because that is exactly what i cause every day of my life. Infact, I deserve something more lowly then hell. What are my intentions of this paragraph? To show portray a humble servant? That is crap, I really am wicked and that is exactly my point.
My heart is defiantly beating with Jeremiah as I've been studying the book the past few weeks... His prayer pretty much describes it all..
"I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for a man to direct his steps. Correct me , Lord, but only with justice --- not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing" Jeremiah 10:23-24
If i could only grasp how in the heck God is able to be so extremely pissed off at us, yet so deeply in love with us.. I defiantly think I would be sinless. I would be perfect. I would know the deepest sorrow and the deepest most passionate love and be able to balance them. I would be God... but thats impossible. What God has been showing me these past few weeks is quite simple.. but then again its beyond understanding. crazy how God does that..Hes told me something a little like this..
"Hey guess what Ryan", - God ...
"Hey man whats up?", -Ryan
"Did you know that i am really stinking big?", - God ..
"Oh... I had no clue you where that big" - Ryan
So.. what does that silly convo mean? (and yes it did take place)It means this... God is big...(haha jk).. God is big enough to have a personal relationship with each and every person ever to be created or even begot for that matter (lol).
God showed me that his plan for me isn't found in church doctrine.. isn't found in church traditions... isn't found in anything to do with what man has established here in this life.. absolutely nothing. There have been many bold and courageous Christians in the past.. but He told me that even those guys aren't going to be able to show me what He wants me to be doing... God told me that the most important thing for me to do is not to eat food.. drink water.. but instead its to have a quiet time.
Words cannot express how important it is. For those of you who don't know, I'm being discipled by a 34 year old ex-marine chaplin. Guys.. this guy is exactly who i want to be like. (thats why hes discipling me). I am disciplining my life to be more like him. As paul said... be like minded, I am doing so with this man. What God has shown me through this man is priceless.
True dependence on the Lord requires me to recognize him as my lifesource. He must be my existence. When I don't have a quiet time, i cannot survive. What would i be living on? Bread alone? Or on the every word that comes from the mouth of God? (Deut8:3).
Set a time daily for your quiet time, and protect it with your life.
So what is my quiet time? what is my "technique" so to speak... How in the world do you have a quiet time? My short summary will give absolutely no justice.. so remind yourselves of my lack of knowledge.. and the fact that what I have to offer is worthless, and let God reveal to you what your own unique quiet time should consist of...
start off.. get on your knees. bow down before your master. tremble in His presense.
without this first vital step, you might as well do something else. He reads every intention of your heart. If it is anything besides meeting with Him, you might as well be sleeping.from there.. pour your heart out before the Lord. Pray for everyone else, humbly consider others better than yourselves(phil2:3). Lastly pray for your time with the Lord, that it would be fruitful and that you would have an open mind and an open heart. Pray that you would grasp, apply, and remember everything that you learned from Him.
Take action. Write down what He shows you. Be a disciple, a student.
anyways (i gotta get some sleep)... my quiet time is designed for myself.. i read a book from the Old Testiment, a book of the Gospel, and a letter in order to hear different perspectives and to get an overall knowledge of the bible itself. (right now jeremiah, Luke, peter).
There is no format or traditional way to a quiet time... Paul talks about how "hollow and deceptive philosophy are dependent on human tradition and basic principles of this world rather than Christ"Collossian2:83
What defiantly is required though is a vision. A plan of action. A plan of attack.
Why is it so hard to have a quiet time???????????
Let me tell you. Why in the world would Satan attack a person who never prays or reads their bible?... Why would he make the lives of Christians who don't fully seek God's will almost unbearable? He wouldn't! because you are absolutely no threat to his kingdom.
Once you pick a fight, brace yourself. Fortify yourself for an invasion.
If your bible isn't worn, your sword never leaves its sheath.
I urge you not to satisfy yourself with a life of mediocracy... live life and live it to the full! John 10:10
~Forever Forward~
Ryan.


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